Life | One Year On

08 October 2016

Hello!


I have to admit, I've been staring at this blank page for such a long time before I could even think of what to say. When I thought about writing this it seemed like the easiest thing to do but now I'm here, I don't know where to start.

One year ago today I went through the biggest and worst days of my life.

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But that sounds melodramatic so I best give a bit of a back story as to why.

At the beginning of 2015, I was in a miserable dead end job where I was constantly bullied by my manager, a loveless relationship and overall a generally negative outlook on myself and my future. It got so bad that around the May mark of 2015, I went to my GP and was prescribed antidepressants. 

Unfortunately things didn't look up. By June, I was signed off from work by my GP with stress and my relationship had completely broke down which subsequently meant me being kicked out of our home and forced to move back into my parents. On top of all that, my grandmother who I'm extremely close to was hospitalised with pneumonia and I honestly couldn't imagine life getting worse.

Life went on though and I drifted through Summer trying my hardest to find a better job, move on from my relationship and just generally live my life. I was attending job interviews for anything as long as it got me out of my current job but unfortunately I hadn't been successful in any. I was still having regular reviews with my GP but he suggested changing my medication and upping my dosage.

October came and my ex started messaging me again. I wish I could admit that I was strong enough to block him or tell him to leave me alone, but I wasn't. We ended up talking and meeting up again. I believed he still loved me and wanted to get back together but after an already stressful day at work, he told me he never wanted to see me again and that he'd found someone else.

Looking back now, I should have just laughed and walked away but at the time I couldn't even breathe let alone think that far ahead. It felt like I was breaking up all over again but even worst and I wasn't sure my head could take it. Instead I took an extremely excessive amount of my antidepressants and washed it down with a bottle of wine. I didn't want to be here and because it wasn't happening "quick enough" I slit my wrists.

It wasn't long before my parents found me and I was rushed to hospital where I was given activated charcoal to neutralise the tablets and was kept in overnight to keep an eye on my heart rate.

The next morning I was okay to leave but as you can imagine I was under watch 24/7 for a long time and it's took an even longer time for my parents to trust me. One year later though I have come out the other side and my life could honestly not be better. 

be nice quote pinterest

Just a week after all this had happened, one of the interviews I had attended earlier in the Summer had rang me back and offered me a full time job which of course I grabbed with both hands. I've now made lots of new friends and my manager is just the loveliest person I've ever met. 

A year on, I now own my own house, have a great job, a supportive family and friend community and I honestly couldn't be happier. I'm still single but I've learnt that I'm much happier on my own.

Why am I telling you this? Because I went through a really shitty point in my life and I felt like there was no one there to help me. It took something so drastic as trying to end my life to make me see how much more there is to life and how anxiety or depression can really take a hold on someone.

I know there are worse cases of anxiety and depression out there but if I can help just one person by coming out with my story then I know it was worth it.

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4 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this. Depression and anxiety should be talked about more as it's nothing to be ashamed of. So glad you're in a much better place now. I don't usually comment but I love reading your posts and you're one of my fave bloggers.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. That really means a lot xo

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  2. thanks for sharing this lovely! I am SO glad you have made a turn around and that you are actually happy today! :) Congrats again on the house and I hope many more good things are coming your way!
    Pam xo/ Pam Scalfi♥

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